Relationships: When To Stay And When To Go

The Relationships We Choose

Before I go any further, let me make an important distinction about relationships: some are optional (husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, business partner, friend, associate) and some aren't (family). Like it or not, your dad will always be your dad and your mum will always be your mum. And so on.

Today, I'm talking about the optional relationships: the ones we choose.

Like it or not, acknowledge it or not, believe it or not, the truth is that right now many of us (maybe the majority) have at least one unhealthy (optional) relationship in our life. It might be with a friend, a colleague, a business partner, a lover or spouse. For the purpose of this discussion, unhealthy could mean anything from poor communication, mutual indifference and boredom through to mental, emotional and (sadly) physical abuse.

And yes, some people will argue that once we're married that particular relationship is not an optional one (it's a forever thing - no matter what) but, for the moment, let's not get into that theological, moral and philosophical debate. Take a look around and you'll soon discover how forever marriage (often) isn't.

*Which is not to say that it can't be (1) lasting or (2) fantastic. I'm not talking about what's (theoretically) possible but rather, what typically happens. BTW, my parents will celebrate their forty-eighth wedding anniversary this Thursday, so I'm definitely not anti-marriage. Happy anniversary Mary and Ron.

So, here's a few relevant questions and some possible answers:

(1) Why do we stay in unhealthy (toxic, destructive, dysfunctional, dangerous) relationships?

For a range of reasons but here's a few no-brainers:

* We associate more pain with getting out of it than staying in it.
* We believe we don't deserve any better.
* We'd rather be in some kind of relationship - even an unhealthy one - than no kind of relationship (being alone terrifies us).
* We naively think that it (our unhealthy relationship) will somehow work itself out. Miraculously get better.
* We lie to ourselves and to others. We pretend it's all okay because we're scared to face the unpleasant reality.
* We're scared of what he/she might do if we try to leave.
* We're scared of what people will say and think.
* We tolerate the emotional negatives because our practical (financial) situation provides us with a level of security and predictability.
* We do it to protect our kids.

(2) When should we (try to) fix it?

* Most times - especially if we're talking about a marriage.
* When we genuinely value the relationship.
* When we honestly believe that it can be a healthy, happy, positive place to be.
* When we feel strongly about the person (in a good way).
* When both parties are prepared to work (and keep working) to create a healthier relationship.
* When we know that we have contributed to the problem (and have the skills, desire and strategies to do better).

(3) When should we consider forgetting it?

* When we are in danger.
* When we are not respected or valued.
* When the relationship is like a painful (version of) Groundhog Day.
* When our dominant and prevailing emotional state (in terms of the relationship) is a negative one (fear, anxiety, frustration, misery).
* When we start dreaming about an alternative life (a lot).
* When we find ourselves constantly making excuses for someone else's behaviour.

Anti-Misery
Now, before anyone accuses me of anything, let me be clear today - I'm of the opinion that ending any marriage is always a last resort. I'm neither anti-marriage nor pro-divorce. What I am is anti-misery. But, I do wonder about the value (for anyone) of staying in something that's toxic, destructive and stressful (and not likely to change), when there's another option.

Another reality.

For me, saying yes to an unhealthy relationship is saying no to my own self-worth. My own possibilities. My own happiness. For me, if a relationship is fixable (and I'm motivated to do so), I'll endeavour to fix it.

If not, I'll forget it.

Yes, this is only the beginning of this discussion and no, this article is not a solution to anything. It's a few thoughts about a very complex issue. I'd love to hear yours.

Treatment For ADHD In Children - Looking At Better And Safer Options

Before we look at treatment for ADHD in children, I want to examine briefly what could be just one of the causes or at least a contributing factor in ADHD.

University of Miami Research

A research study organized by the Miller School of Medicine at the University of Miami recently published in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine suggests that cigarette smoke could actually be a contributing cause. They studied about 3,000 children and found those that had the highest concentrations of chemicals in their blood were actually much more likely to have conduct disorders and /or have ADHD. These children had been subject to second hand smoking in their families.

These kids were exposed to nicotine and when that breaks down in the body, it becomes cotinine and this was the chemical most present. It seems that those with very high concentrations of this were displaying symptoms of ADHD and behavioural disorders. Obviously, children in non-smoking families have a much better chance of growing healthier and without any conduct disorders.

A Broader Approach To The Treatment For ADHD In Children

This leads on to the whole question of treatment for ADHD in children which must take a much broader approach to include an ADHD friendly home, a proper diet, lots of green time, low exposure to media and of course parenting skills to deal with behavior issues.

For far too long now, these aspects of ADHD treatment has been forgotten or just simply not applied. The results have been disastrous in that there has been far too much reliance on the medications as the first option.

These meds, such as Ritalin and Adderall are all very well in the short term. They can help with restlessness and keep children calm and reduce hyperactivity. But they have their limits and their effects on the whole nervous system, heart and other organs must not be underestimated.

Dr. William Pelham of the University of Florida has amply demonstrated their effects will wear off after three years. He is now regarded as a world expert on ADHD and he recognizes that medication with psychostimulants has a very limited place in the treatment for ADHD in children.

Parenting for ADHD children involves looking after their social and organizational needs in the home and at school. This is where ADHD behavioral therapy has proved time and time again that this is the way to go. When this is combined with ADHD homeopathic remedies where there are no side effects at all, then this is winning formula and many parents swear by this now.

Love, cherish and protect your child. Experts now tell us that natural ADHD treatments combined with child behavior modification techniques is by far the most effective ADHD treatment. Robert Locke has written extensively on ADHD and Mental Health for many years. For more parenting and ADHD advice, visit:- http://natural-adhd-cure.com

Looking for Birthday Party Ideas? Create an American Girl Mystery Tea Party

Are you searching for unique birthday party ideas that will thrill a little girl? An American Girl mystery tea party could be just that kind of party. In addition, her friends will also love the theme and the tea party games provided.

American Girl dolls are finely crafted dolls that depict certain eras from American history, such as dolls outfitted in Victorian period dresses or dolls who are dressed in Jazz Age frocks. Besides the dolls themselves, the company which manufactures these dolls provides books and accessories for each doll describing who she is and what her historical period was like.

Having a birthday party revolve around an American Girl mystery tea party is easy to plan and execute. Here are some birthday party ideas to help create a special birthday with the American Girl mystery tea party theme.

"Mysterious" Tea Party?

Bring a little mystery into a little girl's birthday party by having her and her friends listen to pre-recorded music snippets and guessing which doll corresponds to the music's historical period. "Grab bag" is another fun mystery game which involves placing many small items in a bag and having each girl reach in and guess what the item is by just feeling it. Also, guessing how many jelly beans are in a jar at the beginning of the party is always a crowd pleaser. Count the jellybeans at the end of the birthday party and give whoever came closest to the correct amount an American Girl themed prize.

Fun with Tea Party Food

If any of the guests own American Party dolls, ask them to bring their dolls to the birthday party. Decorate a table big enough to accommodate them all with a fancy tablecloth, two or three teapots, small saucers and teacups at each place setting. Instead of tea, you can serve milk, punch or juice, along with any of these types of tea party finger foods:

• small, crustless tea party sandwiches
• potato chips
• apple slices with caramel dip

For dessert, the birthday cake can be served after tea and appetizers are finished. Naturally, young girls will want their American Dolls to share tea with them so have chairs available so their dolls can sit with them at the table.

Decorations for the Birthday Party

Birthday party ideas regarding decorations can include thousands of different suggestions but since this party has an American Girl theme, you won't have to search for decoration ideas. For an American Girl theme, you could incorporate such decorations as:

• putting small vases of flowers on the tea table
• give each girl a pearl necklace, hat and white gloves to wear
• hang red, pink and orange crepe ribbons around the party room
• purchase American Girl invitations

These tea party accessories can be purchased at department or discount stores for one or two dollars apiece. The birthday girl and her guests will be thrilled with the party favors and also enjoy having tea with their dolls before the traditional blowing out of the candles. With birthday party ideas involving an American Girl mystery tea party theme, you can be certain that any little girl will think she has had the best party ever!

Connie Bednar writes about tea and herbal teas on her http://www.your-cup-of-tea.com She often discusses entertaining for adults and children as well. See more party ideas for the American Girl on her site.

The Big, Big Picture

Most individual investors only scratch the surface when operating in the world of finance. They view investing as an art, using rumor, casual advice or intuition to make decisions completely ignoring the science behind it all.

Finance undoubtedly is a science based on valuation methodologies, debt-to-equity ratios, weighted cost of capital, earnings growth rates, return on invested capital, competitive positioning, macroeconomic trends and several other numerical factors.

You cannot understand investing by merely observing the fruit of the tree - you must know how deep and strong its roots grow beneath the soil, and whether those roots can withstand a heavy storm or will give way to merely a strong breeze.

Paradigm

Scientists use the word paradigm (pronounced para-dime) to describe a pattern, model or framework that stands true for long periods of time. Paradigms generally hold true until internal or external changes cause fundamental and often disruptive shifts in the model or framework.

In finance, studying historical paradigm shifts helps us understand disruptive factors and predict future trends.

In an April 2011 newsletter, prominent investment strategist Jeremy Grantham identified four paradigm shifts in the global economy - in oil, metals, agricultural commodities and weather patterns.

Let's get his take on each.

Oil

In 1974, while most commodities trended downward, oil rose abruptly. Caused in large part by the formation of the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC), a global cartel formed to regulate each member-nation's oil production and export volume. However, OPEC seemed to have the complete opposite effect - prices rose even more after its founding.

Grantham has analyzed oil price trends and statistics and concluded that oil prices trade for long periods within a narrow band, but occasionally trade higher into a new band. In other words, they experience - a paradigm shift.

- First shift: Oil prices averaged $16 per barrel for nearly 20 years but in 1971 jumped to a new level at $35 per barrel.

- Second shift: Oil prices averaged $35, and jumped to a new average price of $75 in 2007.

- Possible third shift: Right now, prices average $75, and could rise to a new average of $180 if history holds true.

Grantham expects oil prices to reach a new average price of $180 per barrel as another paradigm shift takes hold. (Yes, I too am hoping this does not come true.)

Metals

Due to the rapid growth of several emerging economies, many industrial metals have seen dramatic increases in demand over the past decade. One such metal is copper, which is currently trading near the top of its long historical price level partly because of high demand from countries like China, and partly because the costs of extracting and processing the metal have gone up.

All easily minable copper has been exhausted so miners now have to dig up 50% more ore to extract the same amount of copper or develop new mines in remote locations. As Ivan Glasenberg, CEO of copper mining powerhouse Glencore, says "We took the nice, simple easy stuff from Australia, the U.S, we went to South America and now we have to go to remote places."

Grantham's research shows that copper trended down for nearly 100 years until 2002 when it hit a 110-year high in 2010. This leads him to predict a second paradigm shift in copper prices to a new higher price band.

Agricultural Commodities

Wheat, Rice, Corn, and Soybeans - unlike other commodities, are still considerably below their previous highs experiencing only minimal price swings. Historical price data does not suggest a paradigm shift based on Grantham's model, but prices could move dramatically if weather patterns impact crop yields. We'll have to pay close attention to the weatherman.

Weather

Very rarely do all agricultural commodities move in tandem, either during a drought or after a flood, both of which are the result of unstable weather patterns. Recently unstable weather has been the norm over the past 12 months (the central U.S. has just experienced the worst floods in 80 years). Prices are expected to decline next year as the weather improves.

Paradigm Shifts and You

To be successful, every investor should know as much about the global markets as possible and hopefully this article will deepen your knowledge and understanding of the events which impact the markets. Having an unshakeable idea of the fundamental nature of trends can give you the perspective needed to understand current events.

You see, it is the use of science not art that will help you create the most wealth.

Visit http://onthemoneyradio.org for weekly commentary and money advice that covers the entire financial spectrum which also airs on my weekly radio show, "On The Money!" You may also want to visit http://blog.slpomeranz.com and SUBSCRIBE to my weekly commentary via Email and SUBSCRIBE to my weekly podcasts on iTunes! Steven L. Pomeranz, CFP is a 29 year investment management veteran and host of "On The Money!" which airs on NPR station, WXEL in South Florida. He concentrates on serving high net-worth individuals and has been named one of the Top 100 Wealth Advisors 2007, by Worth magazine (October 2007 Issue), honoring America's premier financial and wealth strategists.

Top Flash Games

Flash games are extremely popular because of their ease of use. Today, flash games are available for smart phones and can also be played online. This is because flash does not require to be downloaded separately and Flash programs can operate from the browsers as well.

Over the years, many games have been created using flash. However, a list of top flash games is given below.

1. Warfare: Warfare is a strategy game and is set in the era of World War II. At the start of the game, the player is provided with an option to either be a German or an American. The mission of the game is to either kill the opponents or to overrun them with the help of troops. Battle and strategy games have been popular among gamers for many years now as these games allow them to use their minds.

2. Batman Games: Batman Games have become very popular after the success of the batman movie series. This is also owed to the recent craze regarding superheroes and their super powers. Many different batman games are available such as Batman Thief Locator, Batman and Batwoman, Batman Hits Joke, Batman Soccer etc. These are all flash games and can be played online while you are free on the weekend.

3. Ben Ten Games: If you have a younger sibling, you must know how popular the Ben Ten cartoons are. Every kid loves Ben Ten and because of its popularity, children also like to play Ben Ten games. These games include Ben 10 Puzzle, Ben 10 Find Me, Ben 10 Wolf, Ben 10 Speedy Runner etc. All these games can be played online if you are in love with the Ben Ten character.

4. Bejeweled: If you are a regular internet user, you must have heard of this game. Bejeweled is a simple game which allows you to use your brain and problem solving skills to the best. It provides the gamers with a visual insight through different colored jewels which need to be aligned in a manner such that all similar colored jewels come together clearing the way for other jewels. It is a simple yet addictive game.

5. Line Rider: Line Rider is another flash game which will test your ingenuity. The game will be best for you if you have always liked to design roller coasters or make sleigh hills.

Keeping in mind these top flash games, the next time you feel bored, just search for any of these games and start playing online. They will provide you the best entertainment.

2 Great Ways To Teach Your Children About Nutrition and Fitness - Make It Fun for Them

Play kitchen sets and wooden playhouses for kids are a great fun way to teach your children about nutrition and fitness. As I'm sure all of you are aware of by now, nutrition and fitness is so important in a child's life. It needs to be taught at a very young age. But how can you make it fun for them?

One way to make it fun for them would be to incorporate it into their play time. For example, a little play kitchen set just for them would be the perfect way to teach them about good eating habits. This is a fun way they can learn about proper nutrition and cook their very own home cooked well balanced meal. Teach them what foods to cook and what foods not to cook.

Teaching your children about proper nutrition is almost critical in today's world. It is a growing public concern due to the high percentage of obese and overweight children and teenagers. They have not received or been taught the importance of eating right and staying active. It is important to start from the very beginning of their developmental stages.

In addition to teaching your children proper nutrition it is also important to realize that fitness is just as important.

A great way to do this would be with a little wooden playhouse of their own to explore. Not only great with keeping them active and moving around but also allowing them to be creative which is great for their minds.

In the U.S 23 million children are obese or overweight. We need to teach our children from a very young developmental age about getting the right sources of nutrients to the body such as, proteins, fruits, vegetables, and calcium for strong bones.

It is important to realize the we need to make our children aware of how much an impact this will have on them and teach them of what can happen if they don't. Children are not getting enough exercise or active play as they used to. The world of television, video games, and internet has taken over and they need to stay active from a young age.

A child's risk of obesity doubles for every hour of television he watches every day. The average child watches 21 hours a week. CDC (Center for Disease Control) estimates more than 60% of adults are obese, 15% of children are obese and children ages 6-19 are overweight. Many conditions are associated with poor eating habits including obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and malnutrition. These are occurring at a younger and younger age due to poor diets and inactivity.

Play kitchen sets and wooden playhouses for your kids are a great way to incorporate the lessons of eating right and staying active. It makes it fun for them to learn as well as making it fun for you to teach.

Therefore, start from adolescence in teaching, encouraging, and setting a good example with your children of how important it is to eat right and be active. Do it in a fun way. Encourage it with play and incorporate it into your daily lives.

Brooklyn Carter is the author and you can visit her website at http://www.woodenplayhousesandmore.com to see the adorable collection of wooden playhouses, play kitchen sets, and more. A whole new world awaits for your little one to enjoy learning and playing at the same time. Find out how children in your life can expand their horizons.